So – wanna know how I almost got kicked out of a sex ping pong show in Thailand? or actually in:
(prounced pat-tie-ya) − the undisputed sex capital of the world.
First, Linda and I arrived early in the city and spent the daytime exploring + taking pictures like this:
We found some charming + sunny picture-esque scenes to take of the city and it was surprisingly pleasant. I think that’s because most people are sleeping+ resting during the day only to get all wild ‘n out when the sun sets. 😉
As night fell, we walked on Walking Street and asked our local Pattaya tour guide about going to a “SEX + PING PING SHOW” − a reputable one with all the crazy…”acts.”
\\ WHY would two gals be interested in seeing a sex show/ping pong show? I guess curiosity killed the cat.When in
Rome…or Pattaya, do as the err….tourists do.
+ Definition of a Ping Pong Show (according to wikipedia): This activity show consists of women using their pelvic muscles to either hold + eject, or blow objects from their vaginal cavity. Such objects include: long string, whistles, pens, cigarettes + candles, darts, spinning tops + razor blades, chopsticks and, of course, ping pong balls. A male actor/member may be brought on to be of assistance or more. Another activity is the shooting of goldfish into a bowl, or stuffing a rather large frog inside to see how long she can keep it in. All these activities vary from show to show of course.
The local tour guide directed us to one that he “trusted” and we had to put all cameras + cell phones into a plastic bag and in a locker for safe keeping. (Sorry no pictures of the show itself!)
We were led into a semi-large dark room with a raised dance platform placed back center stage with a few metal stripper poles strategically placed here & there. The viewing arrangements: Padded bench seating on all three sides of the stage − not individual seats with arm rests like in movie theaters.
Fast-paced dance + high energetic music was blasting from the speakers accompanied by blinking strobe lights slowly roaming the stage. How would we know when the show began and ended?
The guide told us – when you see the original first act come on again because it means you reached the end of the “rotation” of acts. Aimed with that piece of knowledge, we took our seats at the back. In the corner. TROUBLE here we come.
+ Four naked or semi-naked (seemingly young looking) girls consisted of the show + one lone male with lots of “props.”
+ The ACTS as described from memory:
- Smoking a cigarette: Yep. She squatted down with her lady flower open to face the crowd and stuck a lit cigarette in between her labia lips and started to huff and puff. The cigarette huffed + puffed from those muscles. You could tell her vagina was actually inhaling it.
- Blowing a dart at a balloon: This performer got on her hands and legs – crab style. She stuck a dart in between her legs while her sidekick tossed a balloon in the air. As it slowly floated down, she shot her hoo-ha to do exactly that.
- Razor blades: 10-20 razor blades were linked together using thread + our performer shoved the whole thread up there only to be pulled out slowly again. Ouch!
- Needles: Same scenario as above but this time, it was 10-20 needles linked by thread and shoved up there + slowly pulled out, one needle by needle.
- Candles: These two girls placed two lit candles down on the ground, sat behind the candle with their legs spread eagle and snuffed the candle out with a whiff of wind. Basically they queefed and they blew the candle out.
- Baby Crabs: A small handful of live baby crabs were stuffed up her lady hole and she stood there just waiting for 30 seconds. After the 30 seconds, she reached down with her fingers and grabbed each baby crab out slowly. They were all alive and well. I saw their pinchers moving. *cue shock face*
- Yarn trick: This one seemed like an easier “trick.” She stuffed a ball of yarn up her lady cave and slowly pulled the string out of her lady bits. This trick went on for awhile.
- Bottle opening: One girl used her talents to squat down over an unopened (twist off) beer bottle and unscrewed it using JUST her kegel muscles. Afterwards, she viciously emptied the contents over everybody in the front row (with a smug look on her face I might add).
- Gold fish trick: The next trick involved a little Thai girl coming out and showed the audience a small fish bowl with a live gold fish swimming around. She took the fish out of the water (with it flopping around in the air) and proceeded to …push it up her assets and after 10 seconds, she stood over the (now empty) fish bowl and plopped it back down into the water…where it continued swimming – alive and well. Seemingly not traumatized.
- Whistle: The next star came out on stage and showed us her pussy spread open on her hands and feet. She stuck a whistle down under so the end faced us and TOOT TOOT!!
- Writing with a paint brush/marker: One girl squatted over a piece of paper with a paint brush and proceeded to write someone’s name sitting in the front row. O_O This took a minute so and was quite impressive. You could really read it!
- Ping pong balls: Playing ping pong without the paddles and using your natural “tools” to hit your opponent in the face was quite amusing. I’m sitting here thinking about how I need to get kegel balls now.
- Sex: Various sex acts….for all to see. The girl came out with a cute masquerade mask to cover her identity while the guy entered the stage encased in a silk robe with a white phantom of the opera mask on. They proceeded to pretend and seduce each other while just numbly getting into missionary position for a few pumps and then switching to doggy style where he rammed her for a good 30 seconds. Instead of being arousing, sexy, or loving, it was just slightly awkward and weird.
Notably, the audience consisted of tourists (both male and female) all around the world. A lot of Chinese tourists surrounded us in silence with stunned looks.
+ Highlight of the show: Linda and I almost got kicked out because we decided to -ahem- break some of the rules. We didn’t have the “best” seats in the house and instead of getting up + walking out to the aisle to move seats, we decided to jump over two rows of seats like the teenagers we were so NOT anymore. WRONG decision.
A tan + skinny tough-looking Thai bouncer sauntered over with a ferocious look while pointing at us to leave without uttering a single word.
Our solution? To play dumb like we had no clue we did anything wrong − which only exacerbated the situation and made it a million times worse! The lights came on + music halted to silence and the attention was on the two of us. Another hard grunt and pointing from the bounder was all it took for us to be mortified.
We high-tailed it and clambered back over to the row behind us while the whole audience broke out in satisfied applause. Needless to say, the show continued without another hassle or peep from us and we left as quietly as we had come! O_O
+ Personal opinion: The show was entertaining − that’s for sure. Is it misogynistic? Yes. Most of these (young) girls are from Thailand or imported from Laos and Burma (Myanmar). I felt a little guilty afterwards since I literally just paid money for 4 chicks + 1 dude to degrade themselves publicly for entertainment even though it wasn’t like anybody forced them to or if it was forbidden.
\\ The prevalence + attitude that participating in these shows is empowering is misleading and serves to increase sex trafficking + modern day slavery. Nobody is forcing these girls to engage in this type of work but the other option − working 14 hours in a factory sweat shop is not any better and those two options should not be the only choice in a person’s life.
Not to mention, most of these girls also moonlight as prostitutes (obviously). You do not walk out of that place feeling aroused, better, or positive about much. Mild to extreme shock + trying to pick up your jaw from the ground is more the honest reaction. I understand it is the way of Thailand and many other places but that doesn’t mean it should be widely accepted. The way to change it? I haven’t much of a clue but I’m up for finding out an (effective) way.
One more thing? I am utterly grateful, appreciative + hyper aware of how lucky I am to be born & raised in a first world country with more opportunities & freedom than most. Is it perfect? No – but it could be a lot worse. I have an infinite number of choices on how I choose to survive so I am friggin’ blessed.
Have you been to a sex show or ping pong show in Thailand? How was your experience at a Go-Go bar? Thoughts + Opinions? Shoot me an e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org) or comment.